"A pen pal gifted me with loose pages from an old poetry book and I used those to create collage poems."
Amy Marqueshas been known to call books friends and is on a first name basis with many fictional characters. She has visual art, poetry, and prose published in journals such as Streetcake Magazine, MoonPark Review, Bending Genres, Ghost Parachute, Chicago Quarterly Review, and Gone Lawn and is a returning contributor to Raw Lit. amybookwhisperer.wordpress.com
Skins
Fiction by Cecilia Maddison
CW: Mention of Death
Weeks later, Danny’s coat was still hanging in the hallway. Josh pictured how his brother used to wear it with the collar turned up and his hands thrust deep in the pockets. He hung his own on the peg next to it, a size smaller and still warm, and let his school bag fall to the floor with a thud. His mother greeted him from the kitchen, where she sat at the table with her palms pressed around a mug of tea. Her eyes looked smaller since she stopped wearing makeup. “Mrs Tooley called. You missed your counselling session,” she said. “I forgot.” Josh opened the fridge and stared into the cold glare. Seizing a half-empty milk carton, he busied himself with pouring a glass. “I reminded you this morning.” Josh shrugged. “I played football instead. You want me to do normal stuff with my friends, don’t you?” His mother placed her mug down and interlocked her fingers. “Mrs Tooley said you’ve been spending lunch breaks by yourself.” Josh’s voice became shrill. “Why are you on my case? Leave me alone.” “It’s just that… you need to… it’s important to talk about what happened.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” His mother sighed and rubbed her face. “You can’t ignore grief, Josh. It’ll catch up with you eventually.” Josh finished his milk and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Whatever. I’ll be in my room.” “Have you got homework?” “A bit. I want to hang out online first.” He hesitated, stalled by his mother’s bleak eyes, and a landslide of words fell into the emptiness. “We’ve spawned into a new level. It’s awesome− we have to cross this massive forest without the bandits getting us. And if we catch the floating elf light, we boost our power.” “Sounds exciting.” The corners of his mother’s mouth lifted a little. “Who are you playing with?” Josh was already bounding up the stairs. He didn’t bother answering− she wouldn’t understand. In his room, Josh closed the curtains to block out the last of the afternoon’s light and nestled into the curves of his gaming chair. Cocooned by padded headphones, with the brilliant screen reflected in his eyes, his fingers rattled across the keyboard and his knees bounced with every microsecond. His avatar shimmered onto the screen wearing the skin of a muscular youth with cropped black hair, who swished a golden-hilted sword in brisk arcs through the air. Josh sucked in his breath, adrenaline surging as the avatar flexed his muscles and plunged headfirst through mist and sunbeams to land in the clearing of a dense forest. “Hey, Danny, you there?” Josh whispered. He spun his avatar around, scanning the foliage at the forest’s edge. It swayed in a breathless breeze. Birdsong drifted from the towering canopy, and his heart played a drum roll in his chest. A familiar voice, the one he was longing to hear, crackled through the headphones. “I’ve been waiting for ages. What took you so long?” Danny’s avatar stepped from the gloom in the skin of an archer, braided hair swinging to his waist. A longbow was slung over broad shoulders, and a quiver of feathered arrows hung at his back. The archer and swordsman stood face to face, eye to eye, virtual sunlight anointing them like a blessing. “I’d have joined sooner, but Mum wanted to talk,” Josh explained. “How’s she doing?” “She misses you.” “I miss her too.” The avatars loped off in a slow run and entered the forest. Josh slashed through knots of undergrowth with his sword, side-stepping through pools of dappled shade. Danny moved at his side like a shadow, surveying the surroundings with his bow drawn. “Mum’s making me see this lady at school who wants to talk about my feelings. I really hate it,” Josh said. “It might not be so bad. Give it a go– it’ll get her off your back.” Josh opened his mouth to protest but Danny tensed, his arrow tip gleaming. “Watch out.” A hooded assailant hurtled towards them, wicked blades flashing in a blur. Josh clenched his jaw as he pounded on the keyboard, delivering fatal sword injuries until the bandit flickered into fading pixels. “Nice work,” Danny said. Josh grinned as they picked up their pace again. It was just like old times when they’d played together after school. “How come you’re still in the game, Danny?” he asked. “I mean, you’re still real, right?” Danny stopped running. His avatar rocked from foot to foot and blinked as he turned over the question. Josh recalled how Danny used to chew the side of his mouth when he was thinking. “I suppose I’ve sort of… respawned,” Danny said slowly. “You know, found a new skin, seeing as I didn’t need the old one anymore.” “Mum doesn’t get it. She thinks you’re gone.” “I know. But I’ll stick around for as long as you want to play.” “I’ll always want to play. I want us to finish every level.” Danny’s avatar glanced up. A glimmer pulsed in the distance, and he broke into a run towards it. “Don’t leave me,” Josh called after him, a knot tightening in his stomach. “Hurry up, then. You want to catch the elf light or not?” Josh followed close on his brother’s heels, leaping over fallen tree trunks and flying across the forest’s terrain with the grace of an angel. In this world, he never tired and never faltered.In this world, he could even outrun grief.
Downstairs, their mother stood in the darkening hallway with Danny’s coat gathered in her arms. She breathed in the smell of him and pictured the shape of his body from the folds of fabric; the knobbles of his shoulders, the slimness of his ribs. If she closed her eyes and stayed very still, she could pretend he’d never gone. Perhaps if she called his name, he’d answer.
Cecilia Maddison is a writer from London, UK. Her winning and shortlisted stories can be found on Reedsy Prompts, and she is a Globe Soup finalist.