“Heartbreak and sickness. When there is nothing to be offered but the familiar comforting voice and touch of a trusted parent.”
Amanda Young is currently studying MA Illustration, her visual language aims to make a visceral connection with the viewer via mental health themes in her own life. @amandayoungart (Instagram)
The Scar Poetry by Holly Harrison Cline
CW: Mention of Illness
Your dad knows not to kiss the left side of my neck The twice opened scar there At once too sensitive and too numb The lightest touch sending off alarm bells of vulnerability Fight and Flight and Freeze all at once
You don’t know any of that, little love You don’t know the words Pleomorphic Adenoma Surgery Radiation Recurrence
You just know When you are tired or scared or hurting You want to cling on and not let go So you dig your razor nails into my neck Grab my ear that is too numb to feel anything but wrong And you cry
And you don’t know Because you shouldn’t know That it triggers a panic that makes me afraid to hold you
You don’t know why I put you in your crib And walk away To breathe
You don’t know about scars
You will
The first time my neck was opened I was closer to your age than mine
The next time was just two years ago It was supposed to be the Once and For All So I could raise you in the peace of remission The radiation was supposed to make it stick
It didn’t stick
Next time, you’ll remember I’m not sure when
But I think of it every time I catch my breath And try not to tell you You can’t cling to your mother Like every evolutionary instinct in your tiny body demands
Next time, your Mama’s face will change forever No one is lucky three times over
So I clench my jaw Perpetually sore from radiation that didn’t work Smile at you And hope this smile Is all you remember of these days
Holly Harrison Cline is a part-time writer, full-time parent living in PA. In addition to a poetry collection, she is also working on her first novel. @hrharrisoncline (Instagram)